Rules are Rules WOMAN (Not looking up) Come in. MAN (Coming in) Good morning. The woman is writing. She doesn't answer. MAN Hello - er - Excuse me. WOMAN (Looking up angrily) Have you got a number? MAN Sorry? WOMAN You can get a ticket with a number outside the door. Before you come in. Have you got a number? MAN (Looking round) But there's no one here. Only me! So I don't need a number, do I? WOMAN That doesn't matter. Everybody must have a number. (She begins writing again.) MAN Oh, I see. All right. (He goes out.) WOMAN (Without looking up) Number 68. (She waits a minute.) Number 69. (She waits.) Number 70. The man comes hack with his ticket. MAN I've got my number now. WOMAN (Looking up angrily) Can you wait over there please! Sit on one of those chairs near the door! MAN But - WOMAN I have work to do, I'm afraid. Please wait. The man goes to sit near the door. The woman makes a phone call. WOMAN Hello, Tom. It's Pam. I'm calling from work. You're having dinner at my house today, remember? Wonderful! Goodbye, darling! She calls out numbers, without looking up, and waits for a minute between the numbers. WOMAN Number 71. Number 72. Number 73. (Looking at the man) What number have you got? MAN 89. WOMAN Oh, you're going to wait a long time, then. MAN But why? There's no one here! Why must I wait? WOMAN Rules are rules, sir. (Calling out numbers again) Number 74. Number 75. Number 76. MAN Wait a minute! WOMAN You must wait for your number, sir. MAN Bur you called my number! Just now! WOMAN No, I called 76 and your number's 89. MAN No, no, it isn't. I was wrong. Look! It isn't 89, it's 68! (He turns his ticket the other way up.) WOMAN But I'm on 76 now. Why didn't you answer when I called your number? MAN I'm sorry. I didn't know. But I'm here now, and I need to see you. It's important! WOMAN Well, the rules say - oh, all right then. The man sits down at the table, in front of the woman. WOMAN NOW how can I help you? MAN Is this Room 365? WOMAN Yes, it is. MAN Good. Well, I'm here because of my monkey. WOMAN Ah. Have you got a licence for it? MAN No, that's why I'm here. WOMAN Has the monkey got a number? MAN Sorry? WOMAN Did you get a ticket with a number for the monkey, when you came in? MAN No, I didn't. WOMAN There are two of you, so I need two numbers. MAN Just a minute. (He runs off and comes back with a ticket for the monkey.) Here you are, then. WOMAN Good. Now can you give me your PM624, please? MAN Sorry, what's that? WOMAN A PM624? You write down the answers to a lot of questions about yourself and your monkey, on the PM624. It's very important. MAN Well, can you give me one, please? WOMAN No, I'm sorry, I can't. MAN Well, where can I get one, then? WOMAN Wait a moment, I must make a phone call. (Telephoning) Hello, Tom, it's Pam again. No, I'm at work. Can you bring a bottle with you when you come? All right. Goodbye, darling! (To the man) Right, now where were we? MAN A PM624? WOMAN Ah, yes. Well, have you got eight photos? MAN Eight photos? WOMAN Yes, four of you and four of the monkey. MAN Yes, I have. (He gives her some photos.) WOMAN Good. (Looking at the photos carefully) Wait a minute. These are very bad photos of you. MAN (Looking at the photos, then laughing) No, no! Those are the photos of the monkey! The other ones are the photos of me! WOMAN Ah, yes. Excuse me, I must make a quick phone call. (Telephoning) Hello, Tom. Pam here again. No, at the office. Shall we go to the cinema tonight? OK, I can get the tickets when I leave work. Goodbye, darling! (To the man) Right, now where were we? MAN I'm waiting for a PM624. WOMAN Ah, I see. MAN Well, can I have one? WOMAN Let me see, what day is it today? MAN Tuesday. Why? WOMAN Well, on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays you get PM624s from this office, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays you get them from Room 563. MAN Room 563! Where's that? WOMAN Oh, it's easy to find. Go out of the door. (The man goes out.) Go upstairs. MAN (Calling from offstage) OK! What next? WOMAN (Taking down sign saying ROOM 365) Go left, left and left again. MAN (Calling from offstage) Right! WOMAN Not right! Left, left and left again! Now come downstairs and it's the office on your right. (She puts up a sign saying ROOM 563 on the wall.) MAN (Coming in) Hello. Oh, it's you. WOMAN Hello, this is Room 563. Can I help you? MAN But I was in this room just now. It's Room 365. WOMAN No, it's Room 563. Look, it says ROOM 563 on the wall. Can I help you? MAN I'd like a PM624, please. WOMAN Good, good. Do sit down. MAN (Sitting down) But I don't understand! WOMAN Well, you see, I'm doing the work of two people. I work in Room 365 and Room 563. So I put the two rooms together. It's easier for me. MAN Oh, I see. Well, can I have a PM624, please? WOMAN Excuse me a minute. (Telephoning) Hello, Tom, Pam again. Yes, I'm going to be home soon. OK. See you soon. Goodbye, darling! MAN Can I have my PM624 now, please? WOMAN Let me see. It's for this monkey, is it? MAN Yes, that's right. WOMAN Is it a working monkey? MAN It doesn't do any work, no. It lives in my house. WOMAN That's OK then, because for a working monkey the PM624 is no good at all. MAN (Angrily) Now look, are you going to give me that PM624 or not? I arrived here half an hour ago. First you told me to get a ticket, no, two tickets. WOMAN Everybody needs a ticket. That's the rule. MAN (More angrily) Then you asked for eight photos. Then you told me to leave the room and come back again. WOMAN To a different room. Room 563. MAN Now you're asking, is it a working monkey? And all the time you phone your friend Tom and talk about dinner and the cinema and... He begins to cry. WOMAN I don't make the rules. I only work here, you know. MAN (Feeling better) Yes, I know. I'm sorry. Can I have the PM624 now, please? WOMAN Wait a minute. What's the time? MAN (Looking at his watch) One minute past five. Why? WOMAN Oh dear! This office closes at five. Can you come back tomorrow? MAN Aaaaargh! (He runs off, crying.) - THE END - Hope you have enjoyed the reading! Come back to https://english-e-reader.net/ to find more fascinating and exciting stories!